Musings of a Modified Mummy

I’ve been sat at home all day today. Well, most of the day as I did briefly wander into town.

However, I shouldn’t have been at home, I should have been at work.
But I have been suspended.

They think I’m a thief.

I am NOT a thief. I would not steal from any person or any company. It has been tearing me up inside that these people could think that, and that a misunderstanding on my part is considered gross misconduct.
I hate the thought of food being wasted. After living beyond the poverty line before, and bloody close to it since, the thought of something as precious as food being throw away for no good reason almost sickens me.

So if there are items left at the end of my shift that would go in the bin, or items that are not suitable for,  sale, then I didn’t think it wrong to salvage them. In fact, I am so sure that this isn’t wrong, that the thought of it being wrong hadn’t even crossed my mind.

Bin it or Bag it?

Apparently this is not acceptable. Not putting almost good food in the bin is gross misconduct.
And the worst thing is, that the people whom I work with think I’m a thief too. If someone had of said to me “Oh by the way, even food that would have gone in the bin needs to be paid for if you want to keep it” then fair enough! Not one person mentioned anything like that! But no, they kept their suspicions to themselves, never thought to talk to me about it, and didn’t even get their facts straight.

For example, we get half an hour break during our shift. I’m not used to just having half an hour to eat and smoke and rest. So if I am getting a cake or a pie or something for my lunch, I’ll take it straight away and go for my break. When I get back I’ll print off a label, put it on my bottle of juice I keep to hand, and that reminds me to pay for it AT THE END OF THE SHOPS HOURS.  When we close at 7/9pm, I turn off my counter and go and pay for anything I’ve used/eaten/drank that day all in one go, before they close the tills.

And no-one else on my counter see me going to pay at the end of my shift because I’m always ON MY OWN! I can’t go and queue up and pay straight away the rest of the time because I can’t leave the counter unattended. I went 3 hours needing the toilet the other week because I couldn’t leave!

Plus I’m a smoker, and the only chance I have for a ciggie is on my main break. The 3-7 minutes it could take me to queue up and pay for my good straight away is eating up at least one or two cigarettes! The rest of the smokers on the shop floor don’t have this problem, as there are enough of them to cover when one pops out for 5 minutes.

So anyway, that’s why I don’t pay for things as soon as I pick them up, but they DO get paid for! Hell, I’ve been known to grab a red bull during the day, drinking it and binning the can, only to go and pick up another one off the shelves at close, pay for it, then put it back on the fucking shelf.

I’ve not slept properly for over a week.

We were searched last Friday leaving work. They saw a bag I had of end of day stuff (ie: what would have gone in the bin) and confiscated it, and said they would have to tell my manager.

That was bad enough, I cried on the way home (after having been made to miss the last bus!) and most of the evening. I don’t do trouble well. And ALL of this could have been avoided if someone had of just said ‘Oh by the way, the management don’t take too kindly to taking wastage home. If you wanna take binnable goods home you have to pay for it.’.

But no. We had a super quiet Friday, there was far too many pies and stuff left over.

I’m so scared. Not of losing my job, if I lose my job then yeah, that sucks and I’ll have to find another. But I’m scared they’ll prosecute me for stealing. Pop had a criminal record for theft (from the same company I work for, ha!) so I know how much that sucks.

Pop had tried applying again to this company. They were discussing it amongst the top HR people. It’s a theory that perhaps they know we’re connected and they think I’m gonna do the same as he did.

I dunno,

OH!

And they sent me a disciplinary letter, stating amongst other things that “… if you want someone to accompany/represent/whatever  you, please call the HR dept to arrange.”. So Pop’s manager said she’d do it, especially as she knows things like this well, and was well excited and eager to help me. They turned around d and said NO! That if someone was to accompany me it HAD to be another member of staff.

Okay. I’m done ranting for now. I can’t think about this anymore. I’ll have more details later.

I’m scared.

I’ll probably scan the statements I was given to show you, if anyone cares to see them.

Sorry I’ve not been very social the past week and a half. I’ve really not fancied it.

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Now, we’ve just gone through an easy house move. It was so easy that by the end of our first night in our new home we were sipping some kind of really grown up sophisticated drink while entertaining our friends with an elaborate 5 course dinner party.

Obviously I’m lying. I don’t have friends.

Anyway, perhaps if we’d've had some grand advice prior to our house move (and time… and friends) this perfect first night scenario could have played out. Luckily for you I’ve botched together a list of advice which we feel compelled to share with the tens of you who have accidently landed on my blog while searching for ‘Incest Mummy Porn or such delightful terms.

Thusly:

• If you’re on tenancy,  try and make them end and start at near the same time. A week’s overlap is ideal, as then you’ve got time to get everything from one place to the other with less stress on the big day.

• Kids are never a help. However, with a couple of dog carrying cages they fit easily in the removal van.

• Don’t own anything breakable, ever. And if you do, just assume it will get broken. That way, if it doesn’t break you’re pleasantly surprised!

• The kettle, tea, coffee, milk and sugar are the last things to go, and the first things unpacked at the new house.  All burly removal men work better after a hot cuppa.

• Moving is a great time to have a sort out of your stuff. List everything you don’t need on eBay or freecycle about a month or a fortnight before you’re due to go. Then you’ll have less to box up nearer the time!

• Greasy resturants and supermarkets are a haven for boxes! Just be sure to check them all before you seal them up good and tight with half a roll of sticky tape. Realising your organiser/laptop/kitten is trapped in a box that would need shears to undo can peeve you off ever so slightly.

• Keep loads of book accessible for when you land in the new house. No matter what your ISP says, your internet will not be connected the same day/ a couple of days/ a week, You need some form of entertainment while waiting to be connected to the real world again.

• Keep your cables together! Can’t play your ps2/wii/etc without the power cables, or watch DVD’s/TV without the connector type cables.

• Teddies make excellent stuffing for packed boxes. So you have a reason for hoarding your stuffed animals from your childhood even as an adult! If you can’t bear the look of sorrow in their eyes as you squash them against that fragile object, just turn them so the eyes are facing in rather than out at you.

• You MUST have a take away meal for your first night in your new house, it almost goes without saying. However, if you have take away every night for a week/month in your new house that is also perfectly  acceptable.

• No, your new house is NOT haunted. Houses are noisey and it was probably just a cat you saw outside rather than a zombie. However, if you do find you have a pesky zombie infestation, or if poltergeists’ are ruining your furnishings, then do try and negotiate with your landlord for a cheaper rate.

• Move in the winter. With the weather foul and cold, there is more chance you’ll actually stay in the house and get all your unpacking done, rather than going off in the brilliant sunshine and leaving all them boxes for another day. (Like all the way ‘till winter!)

• Don’t dwell on the good points about your old house. You’re moving away from it! Focus on the odd smell that you could never get rid of, or the odd mix of bright blue and orange colours in the living room.

• Have sex in each room before you go. It’s a great stress reliever in times like this, plus if you’re anything like me, it’ll make you giggle to think of the new tenants not realising you shagged your partner right up against the wall they are planning to place their family pictures on!

• Big events like this don’t last forever, no matter how huge  they are. It doesn’t mean it’s not painful, so be sure to have some of your painkiller of choice to hand. (Prozac, alcohol, sex toys, illegal substances, sex and the city marathons are all good choices.)

Enjoy your new house! I luuurve mine.

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I’m moving house in the moring.

I’m fucking exhausted from non stop packing and money worries.

It’s a miracle we’ve managed to get this house.

We’ll probably have no internet for a few days.

I want to cry and scream and pull out hair and draw blood.

Pool’s open on which of order those events will happen.

.

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I’ve had a hell of a time recently.

The house swap fell through. So we looked stuck. However, we’ve been scouring the local papers and estate agents and might have found somewhere else to rent, privatly. It’s alot more expensive than our home now (through a housing association) but if we give up the car we’ll have an extra £200 a month! So it will be affordable.

Oh, and I now have a job. I’ve not started yet, I start on the 1st of November. I’m a bit scared because it’s my first job in absolutly forever! But I got it on my own merit which I’m so proud of. Last interview I had was a mockery/formality, I got that job because I was going to the place Popple worked. This one is at a holiday village, and I’ll be working in the supermarket.

It has great benifits, like free use of the facilities (spa, gym, pools, etc) and the ability to have guess passes for you and 7 other people for the day. So in that way I’m excited!

The sponsered walk was a success, although it was POURING with rain the whole way. I really enjoyed myself and plan to do it next year too. But methinks my mum won’t be coming with, she wasn’t too happy with the rain.

I’m really happy that I haven’t fucked up my friendship with a lass in the village… yet. She was super brave the other week and watched BOTH my kids so I could go to a family party. And she/the kids survived! One of her son’s is sleeping over tomorrow (it seems to be quite a regular thing, lol) but her baby (who’s about the same age as sammy) won’t be, as he’s still on the breast. She was able to watch sammy as he’s on bottles.

We might be watching her dog for her for 4 days instead though, lol. Are babies harder or easier to care fgor than dogs I wonder.

I started my Open University course this month too, so every spare minute I’ve got is dedicated to studying. I’m doing course K101: Understanding Health and Social Care. It’s quite fun so far. I WILL be studying for the next 6-10 years to get my social worker degree. I am NOT living like this forever.

God, we’re SO close to knowing if we’ve got this house. I hope we have. I’m pissed about the swap falling through, but there’s not much we can do aboout that. And it might be a blessing if we get this other house, as it’s purdy!

Oh, and my ebay account has been hacked into again today. I’ve JUST finished getting it all back to me and resecured. It’s the second time it’s happened and I don’t know why

Oh, and I’ll just restate that when we move, we’re going to be going CAR FREE! Not Car-less. We could maybe possibly wrangle it that we could keep the car, what with me working too. But we’re going to go outright and sell it, and have nothing instead. It’s quite scary really, but we think we can do it.

Got to run, got loads of studying to do.

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I’m very into cycling at the minute. A few days ago we purchased a second bike seat for Baby Sam, to go on the back of my bike. Now Callum, Sam and I can go out for rides without Popple being there (as the other bike seat only fit on his bike and not mine.)

It’s a great feeling, and we went for a ride the other day that was an approx 5.5 mile round trip. At least 1 mile of that was pushing our bikes along though, lol. It felt liuke a great thing between just me and Callum, even though Sammy was there pulling my shirt up the whole time.

Alot of my t’internetty time at the moment is trying to learn more about cycling, reading up on the culture and trends, webcomics etc

So I’ve put together a little list of blogs/pages that have been a big help.

Fat Cyclist:

I only wish I could be half as funny as this guy. Or as popular (but of course, no-one could ever be as popular as him) I stumbled on his blog one day, and I just kept going back. I have to say that he has been the biggest inspiration to me. (Which I told him, via email, because I’m completly soppy like that, and I wanted to vaguely brag about my first successful ride which he had inspired me to do.) It’s not all sunshine in his world, as his wife Susan is battling Cancer, but I have to say, she could not have a better support than him! WIN SUSAN!

Yehuda Moon:

Yes, a webcomic. God only knows I read far too many webcomics. But this one has stuck with me. Again, thanks to the stumble gods I landed on a strip. I laughed, and clicked to the first strip. That’s my thing with webcomics, if a strip makes me laugh, I have to go to the beginning and read them ALL. This comic has also filled me with a burning desire for a Bakfiets. Google it! Goddamn I want one of those bikes so much. Thistle, a mother in the strip, has one for herself and her wee girl Fizz. I’d love one to ferry my kids around, but I don’t exactly have £1500 to buy one

Speaking of which, the Bakfiets can be bought from Dutchbike.co.uk for those of us from the UK. I wonder if they’ll trade one for my soul.

http://www.urbancyclechic.com/

Another blog, which is from the UK. I always feel a little excited when I find a british blog. It’s about a lack of lycra, of garish colours and looking good while out on your bike. You don’t need to look daft to cycle! Hell, cycling is so easy you should be able to just jump on your bike and go, in whatever you’re wearing. And god only knows I agree with that. Although I won’t be brave enough to ride in a skirt untill I can afford a guard for the wheel.

http://www.bikeradar.com/: I’m still new to this site, but it looks promising! And it’s again, UK based with forums, so hopefully I’ll be able to find someone local to ride with.

Bikely: A route mapping site. I’ve used it mostly to track the routes I’ve ridden, as it can give very accurate mileage (much better than the olde thing on Popples bike, lol). Other people add their routes, which you can easily browse. It makes my rides feel very insignificant at only 6 mile average, but meh, a few weeks ago 6 miles would have killed me!

Arragons:

(Warning, music clip plays on opening the site)

This isn’t about the website per se, but it’s our local bike shop. The staff are lovely, and each time we’ve been there they’ve been helpful, and not talked down to us because we don’t know much yet. (very important in my book!) If you’re nearby you should check it out. It’s also on the C2C route, so if you’re planning that trip pop by. Speaking of which, we’re going to attempt the C2C next summer. I’ve lost 2 stone now, with training for this sponsered walk. I’m worried that without a specific goal in mind, I’ll lose all my good work. So a 140 mile cycle trip is a good goal methinks! And hopefully we’ll have our tandem up and running by then, so we can do it on that!

EDIT:

We have some more links given to us by a commenter called Cyclotourist:

One interweb resource you have to check out is Sheldon Brown’s site: http://sheldonbrown.com/ He died earlier this year of a massive heart attack, but his website is a gift to us all.You may like this one, too: http://www.copenhagencyclechic.com/ Same guy does this related one: http://www.copenhagenize.com/

And for fun, be sure to check out Snoobby: http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/

It’s not alot here, but it’s what got me started. And I’m always looking out for new things. Especially blogs, I read far too many blogs!

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This, my friends, is one of my new bikes.

Officially it’s called Honey, which for a while is what it is going to be called.

But goddamn is the colour ugly!

So we’re going to be changing it! My plan is for a black/pink striped effect, thusly:

If I were to do that, I’d also change the grips, and would replace the brake wire covers.

Plus, I desperatly want some black and pink danglies for the handlebars, lol.

I’m wondering if anyone else has any idea’s. Feel free to take the original picture and go mad! Lets see what you’ve got!

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Right, I’ve focused on the negative.

Here we have the positives of Moving back into town.

1) I have grown up in Penrith, it’s a shitty place, but it’s my hometown and I love it!

2) I will not be so isolated. I know more people, there are more places to go, and hopefully I won’t be going stir crazy trapped in my house all day!

3) Things and activities will not rely quite so much on Popples schedule. Currently everything we do depends on whether Pop is working or not.

4) I will be able to start working again, without worrying about how I’m going to get home at the end of the night.

5) Callum will be able to go to school with his uncles. My brothers are 9 and 6, and they all adore each other.

6)Callum will learn about Penrith Castle in school! It sounds silly, but there are the ruins of a castle there, and every child in Penrith learns the basic history of it in Primary school. Callum would love to know more, and my memory has leaked with most of the details.

7) I might get back some sembelance of a social life. I’ll be able to go out, and stagger home without panicing that I’ll miss the last bus or something.

I might be able to see my mum more often. She’s only ever been to this house a small handful of times. Last time was when I was in labour with Sammy (which is a whole other story)

9) Shops! I’ll be able to shop easily, and go to the library and the parks and all sorts. Instead of a rush job.

10) The rent is slightly cheaper (because it’s a smaller house), and it’s still with the HA so we don’t have any instability

11) Popple will be able to cycle to work most days, meaning we’ll save even more on fuel!

12) My Grandma might be moving up to Penrith too, which means I may be able to finally have a regular babysitter!

13) I love the process of moving house! Packing things up, pretending to be organised, finding hidden/lost treasures… I adore it all! Oh, and can’t forget the take-away dinner the day you move in!

All in all, it is a good thing we’re moving. We started packing the other day, and as we’re not going ’till October we can do it at a leisurely pace. I’m also trying to sell a load of stuff on ebay and in the local paper. The bad thing is, even though we’re making space we’re just filling it up. We’re going to be getting two new bikes tomorrow! A Tandem (in pieces, it’s our latest project!) and an olde bike we’re going to repaint and stuff.

I’m excited!

About moving and the bikes.

Things WILL be looking up. And I’ll cling to that hope untill we’re homeless

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